Meditation Monday – March 1, 2021
I had a plan for my day – running to the store to get some strong coffee, making a bank deposit, and meeting a friend for brunch. I run to the car with minutes to spare and reach into my purse only to come up empty. My keys were not there.
I retraced my steps from the day before and tried to stay calm. As I went through pockets, purses, surfaces, and corners my frustration only grew. My self-talk was negative and childish – self condemntation for being careless gave way to blaming. I began thinking my husband borrowed them and didn’t put them back. How inconsiderate! I got desperate and frantically ran from room to room, making a mess as I searched. I made a last ditch effort and prayed, “Ok, God. This may sound a bit weird but I need your help here!!!” Despair hit. I dropped onto the couch sweating with frustration.
Reality hit. I lost my keys, and with them went my plan for a smooth morning. I tried not to panic. Then the realization hit me: I am stuck. Stuck at home! I am going to have to call my friend and own up to my stupidty; sure that she would be ticked and realize that I do not have my act together. More than a few deep breaths later, I see them under the other couch. I have no clue how they got there, but as soon as I found them I ran to the car and forgot about the lost keys. I carried on with my day as if nothing happened until kneeling beside my bed for evening prayer.
As I reviewed my day with God, he showed me how quickly I moved through anger, blame, self-condemnation, and despair. God gave me a glimpse of how tightly I cling to control and went on to show me my neediness and weakness and sinfulness. As I confessed my sin and failures in thought, word and deed, God graciously accepted my plea for forgiveness and reminded me that what I do and how I handle things does not determine my worth. God reminded me that I am defined by Christ himself and his work. There is nothing I can do that will cause God to love me less. There is nothing I can do that will make God love me more.
After confession, repentance, and the reminder of God’s mercy, I climb into bed. As I drifted to sleep these words from Psalm 4:8 ran through my head: “I will both lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.”